This article was written by Benjamin P. Hardy and the original link to the article is here. I loved this article and hence posting it here.
According to psychological research, the greatest emotional need is security.
Who doesn’t want to be liked?
Yet, trying to be liked and living in alignment with your goals and values often conflict. That is, if you’re trying to be liked by everyone.
John Lennon once said, “Trying to please everybody is impossible — if you did that, you’d end up in the middle with nobody liking you. You’ve just got to make the decision about what you think is your best, and do it.”
Wanting approval and needing approval are two very different things. We all want approval. But when you need it:
- You come-off as desperate
- you say “yes” to stuff that clearly doesn’t resonate
- you lack an internal compass
- your relationships are co-dependent, one-sided, surface-level, and bound to fall apart at some future point
Your need for approval has you eating unhealthy foods you don’t want to eat.
It has you working on projects you’re not excited about.
It has you ruminating and obsessing about problems and regrets you could easily remove or fix.
Joyce Meyer, in her book, Approval Addiction: Overcoming Your Need to Please Everyone, explains that the need for approval stems from insecurity, which is often the product of some form of abuse — physical, verbal or emotional.
The addiction for approval is fueled by unhealthy emotions:
None of these emotions are a healthy foundation for creating relationships with yourself or other people. If you want to live a life of purpose, you’ll need to let go of your need for approval. You’ll need to be willing to follow your gut. To express your views. To be honest…
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